


ephemeral

by orphan_account



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: As it should be, Bottom Reiner, Loss of Virginity, M/M, this whole fic is about sex lmao
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-06
Updated: 2018-05-06
Packaged: 2019-05-03 01:40:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,488
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14558067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Reiner wasn’t like Bertholdt; he still believed in things like love and marriage and happy endings.





	ephemeral

**Author's Note:**

> i just wanted to write bertholdt being more experienced than reiner and reiner losing his virginity but somehow it turned into a 5k+ exploration of sexuality LMAO i also wanted a chance to write reiner and bertholdt’s personalities the way i perceive them which is like... pretty much the exact opposite of commonly accepted fanon

Bertholdt Hoover was in a great mood.

He woke up just as the sun began to peek through the curtains, sitting up and stretching languidly. He hummed under his breath as he slid out of his bunk and began getting ready for the day. The other cadets slowly joined him as the morning reveille sounded in the distance, oblivious to Bertholdt’s unusual cheerfulness.

Reiner jumped down from the top bunk after a few minutes, rubbing at his eyes tiredly. “…You’re up already?” he asked, raising an eyebrow at Bertholdt’s fully-clothed and ready state. “Usually it takes me twenty minutes to get you out of bed.”

Bertholdt smiled. “Good morning, Reiner,” he replied brightly. Reiner looked vaguely disturbed.

They walked down to the mess hall together, Bertholdt admiring the sunrise over the horizon as they made their way across the barracks. The world really was a beautiful place.

Breakfast was their usual eggs and grits, but that morning it was the most delicious thing Bertholdt had ever tasted. Reiner gave him a perplexed look as he scarfed down his meal, humming under his breath again as he did so. “What’s with you today?” he asked in vague concern. Bertholdt shrugged.

“What do you mean?” he asked, shooting Reiner a wide grin. Reiner’s vague concern morphed into full-on alarm. Bertholdt finished cleaning his plate and stood up, heading back toward the kitchen to get seconds.

He was halfway there when he suddenly noticed a presence beside him. He looked down, shocked to see Annie walking at his side. She didn’t look at him. “…Hi?” Bertholdt tried.

Annie paused for a beat. “Why did I spend my morning listening to Lena Fischer brag to the entire girl’s dorm about how you fucked her last night?” she asked dryly.

Bertholdt dropped his tray, drawing the attention of the entire room. He awkwardly bent down to pick it up, his face burning. Well, his good mood was nice while it lasted.

Annie was staring at him expectantly. He glanced over his shoulder, making sure everyone’s attention had turned back away from him, before ducking his head and hurrying into the kitchen. Annie followed close behind.

“Um,” he said once they were alone, his voice cracking and at least two pitches higher than usual. She continued to stare at him, but he was quiet, unsure of what else to say. She sighed deeply.

“So it’s true,” she said disappointedly. “I know much more about your penis now than I _ever_ wanted to, by the way.”

“Oh my god,” Bertholdt said.

Annie stepped so that she was standing directly in front of him, and Bertholdt had to restrain himself from cowering in front of a girl half his height. “Are you in love with her?” she asked very seriously. Bertholdt spluttered.

“No, of course not!” he insisted. “It wasn’t… it was just…” 

Annie held up a hand to cut him off. “Please don’t explain. I was just making sure you weren’t becoming like Reiner,” she said. Bertholdt grimaced. That was part of the reason why he needed the stress relief in the was place. “Speaking of, you’d better not tell him.”

Bertholdt rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. “I wasn’t going to…” he mumbled. Annie narrowed her eyes at him.

“I mean it,” she insisted. “He’ll freak out. You know he will.”

“…Yeah,” Bertholdt muttered.

“And you know why.”

Yeah, he did know why. He wasn’t sure that Reiner did, though. “I won’t tell him,” he said, wanting so badly just to be out of this situation. She sighed.

“Yes you will,” she said with a shake of her head. “Whatever, just… don’t forget why we’re here. And don’t get anyone pregnant.”

Bertholdt nodded stiffly before leaving the kitchen, using all of his self control not to break into a full-on sprint.

Lena had flounced up to him yesterday after class and slipped a note in his hand, and he’d nearly had a heart attack upon reading its contents. His first instinct had been to throw it away and ignore it completely. But then he’d considered it, and really, what was the harm? He was under so much stress lately, what with graduation coming up, and their lack of progress in the mission, and Reiner slowly but surely losing his mind… he desperately needed something to take to edge off.

Also, he was sixteen. He wanted to fuck everything that moved.

He sat back down next to Reiner, his mood from earlier completely evaporated and replaced by his usual, miserable self. Reiner raised an eyebrow at him, nodding back toward the kitchen. He must’ve seen him with Annie. “It’s fine,” Bertholdt said dismissively. Reiner shrugged and went back to his food.

Later that night, back in the dorms, the topic came up again. Much to Bertholdt’s disgruntlement. “Hey, guys,” Connie said from his bunk, his voice excited and promising something juicy. Everyone turned their attention to him. “I heard a rumor that someone stuck it in Lena Fischer last night.”

Bertholdt choked on his own spit, and everyone else leaned forward in interest. “What? No way,” Eren said, looking around at everyone curiously, as if waiting for someone to admit to it. Bertholdt buried his face in the book he was reading. “Who?”

“Dunno. Sasha told me, but she didn’t say,” Connie replied with a shrug. He grinned. “Come on, fess up. It had to be someone in here.”

A silence fell over the room. Bertholdt had never wanted to die more in his life.

“It’s not true,” Reiner eventually scoffed. “There’s no way any of you guys had sex with Lena Fischer.”

Jean cleared his throat. “Okay, guys, I admit it. It was me,” he said. Connie threw a pillow at him. “What?! It was!”

The conversation eventually tapered off, but Bertholdt’s heart continued to race long afterwards. He’d stupidly underestimated how quickly rumors spread among the trainees. If the _entire_ girl’s dorm already knew, it was only a matter of time before everyone else did. He glanced at Reiner, suddenly overcome with guilt. 

He sighed deeply. “Reiner,” he mumbled, softly so that it didn’t draw any of the other boys’ attention. They were all wrapped up in their own conversations, anyway. 

Reiner cracked an eye open from where he’d been dozing on his side of the bunk. “Hm?” he asked, putting his hands behind his head casually.

Bertholdt swallowed. “It was me…” he said, so quietly that he could barely hear it himself. Reiner turned his whole body toward him.

“What? Speak up.”

“It was me. Lena… it was me,” he said, only slightly louder.

Reiner’s eyes shot open, and for several beats he stared at Bertholdt in wide-eyed confusion. Bertholdt waited patiently. Reiner opened his mouth, closed it again, and then turned slowly so that his back was facing Bertholdt.

Bertholdt sighed. This is what he got for not listening to Annie. Still, it would’ve been worse if Reiner had found out some other way. “Don’t be mad,” he mumbled. Reiner ignored him.

Reiner continued to give him the silent treatment for the rest of the night, and a majority of the next day. It was frustrating. Bertholdt had expected to be reprimanded, given a lecture about staying focused on the mission maybe, but this was much worse. He hadn’t realized how much his sanity depended on being able to talk to Reiner until he couldn’t anymore.

He thought about confronting him, but he’d never been very good at that, so he skipped dinner after training and went back to the barracks to mope instead. _That_ he was good at.

After about half an hour of lying in his bunk and staring at the ceiling, Bertholdt heard the door open. He felt his chest unclench in relief as Reiner climbed up the ladder and took a seat next to him on his side of the bunk. They were quiet for several beats.

“So,” Reiner finally said, crossing his arms and not looking at him. “You and Lena, huh?”

“N-no!” Bertholdt said quickly. He grimaced. “Well, yeah, we… but that’s all.” Reiner turned to him and raised an eyebrow.

“What does that mean?” he asked, sounding genuinely confused. Bertholdt sighed and threw an arm over his eyes.

“…You know how, when Annie is stressed, she gets one of us to spar with her so she can let it out?” he asked carefully. _Or how, when you’re stressed, you pretend that you’re a soldier?_ “It was like that. Except… not sparring.”

Reiner’s mouth opened slightly, and he stared at Bertholdt with wide eyes. “Bertholdt, those two things are not the same!” he said in alarm. He grimaced and rubbed the back of his neck. “Sex is like… a big deal, you know? You’re supposed to do it with someone you really care about…”

Bertholdt felt his heart clench. He should’ve known Reiner would react this way. He wasn’t like Bertholdt; he still believed in things like love and marriage and happy endings. Of course he wouldn’t be able to fathom the concept of meaningless sex. “Well… for me, it’s not. And it wasn’t for Lena either, trust me,” Bertholdt explained. “We’d never even talked before yesterday.”

The crease between Reiner’s eyebrows relaxed slightly. “Oh,” he said. He was quiet for a long time. “Well. Good.”

“Yeah.”

“Sorry I got weird,” Reiner said awkwardly, and Bertholdt didn’t miss the slight flush on his face. “I just… didn’t want it to compromise the mission.”

“I know,” Bertholdt said. “There’s nothing to worry about.”

Reiner laid down beside him, facing him on his side and staring at him curiously. “How was it?” he asked. Bertholdt snorted.

“…No complaints,” he said with a shy smile. Reiner shook his head, perplexed.

“I never thought you would be the first one,” he said “I’ve never even seen you talk to a girl before.”

Bertholdt grinned. “We didn’t do much talking,” he said, laughing when Reiner threw a pillow at him in response. “And you don’t know that I was the first one.”

Reiner deadpanned at him. “Please,” he said flatly. “If any of those other guys got laid they’d brag about it for weeks.”

As it turned out, Reiner was right about that. The rumor of someone tapping Lena Fischer seemed to crank everyone’s hormones into overdrive, and suddenly, it was like a race to see who could lose their virginity the fastest. It was insufferable. Bertholdt would have rather jumped off Wall Maria than hear one more exaggerated story about how incredible his bunkmates were in the sack.

He was pretty sure virginity was just a ridiculous concept the people in the walls had made up, anyway. Devils indeed.

It all came to a peak one night, one of the very few they had off, when Connie and Sasha managed to sneak some booze from one of the supply shipments. About half of the girls in the squadron crammed themselves into the boy’s barracks that night, and things went pretty much how one would expect a gathering of drunk teenagers to go.

Bertholdt didn’t have anything to drink, but Reiner certainly did, and most of his night was spent being dragged around by his shitfaced friend when he’d really just wanted to find a reasonably quiet spot and fall asleep. Someone (Connie, most likely) had eventually decided it would be a great idea to play a game of spin the bottle, and Reiner had giddily dragged Bertholdt over.

Bertholdt was immediately nauseated by the amount of teenage hormones filling the air as they all took their turns around the circle. He was briefly entertained when Jean’s spin landed on Christa and Ymir threatened to “rip off his balls and shove them down his throat if he went anywhere near her”, but that was short lived.

The bottle eventually got to Reiner, and Bertholdt chose to ignore the way his heart skipped a beat at the thought that it would potentially land on him. He probably would refuse even if it did, it would most likely just end up making things unnecessarily awkward between them. Much to his relief (disappointment?), the bottle moved right past him and came to a stop in front of a girl whose name Bertholdt didn’t even know, but who he recognized to be one of the many girls who stared way too obviously at Reiner when he was shirtless during training. He had to keep himself from rolling his eyes at her obvious giddiness.

What transpired next was one of the more uncomfortable moments Bertholdt had ever witnessed. The girl crawled across the middle of the floor and practically threw herself at Reiner, wrapping her arms around his neck and attaching her mouth to his. In Reiner’s defense, he did look like he was at least _trying_ to enjoy himself, but it was obvious even from Bertholdt’s standpoint that he wasn’t into it at all. When she finally pulled away, Reiner was forcing a shaky grin, and Bertholdt felt his heart twinge a bit in pity.

A few minutes after that, Reiner tugged on his sleeve and tilted his head toward the door before standing up and staggering outside. Bertholdt sighed and followed him, grateful at least to get out of his turn.

Reiner was staring up at the stars with his hands in his pockets when Bertholdt got outside, swaying slightly on his feet. Bertholdt stood close enough to him so that he could lean on him for support.

“Hey, Bertl,” he slurred. “I need t’ tell you something.”

“Okay,” Bertholdt replied, knowing exactly where this was going.

Reiner was quiet for a few beats. “I dunno, man, it’s just… girls,” he muttered. “I don’t get it. I try so hard to but I just. Don’t.”

Bertholdt nodded. “That’s alright, Reiner,” he said reassuringly. Reiner grimaced.

“No, you don’t understand,” he said, even though Bertholdt was fairly certain he did. Reiner was quiet for a long time. “…Have you ever thought about… doing it with a guy?”

Bertholdt paused. He’d done more than think about it, actually. A week or two ago one of the other male cadets, Arik Miller, had propositioned Bertholdt to help him with some kind of sexuality crisis he was going through. Bertholdt had no idea why he’d chosen _him_ for that particular task, but, well… he’d been happy to help.

Reiner didn’t need to know that, though.

“Sure, I’ve thought about it,” was all he said. Reiner blinked up at him in shock.

“Wh…” he said, clearly not having expected that answer. “Really? I thought you liked girls.”

Oh, Bertholdt definitely liked girls. While he enjoyed seeing them run by during morning drills in their sports bras as much as the next guy, he was also well aware that he allowed his gaze to linger on Reiner in the showers for longer than was probably normal. “…I like both,” he said simply.

Reiner looked a bit overwhelmed by this information. “You like both…” he said, dissolving into a thought process that made his cheeks flush darker than they already were from the alcohol. “A-anyway… I don’t… like both. When the guys are talking about, you know, doing _that_ with girls, everyone else gets all excited, but… I think it’s kind of gross.”

Bertholdt laughed. “It is gross,” he agreed. Reiner rubbed the back of his neck and looked away.

“I just,” he said, looking a bit uncomfortable. “I want it to mean something. I know that it’s pretty much impossible for a guy like me, but…I dunno, it would be nice.”

Bertholdt felt his heart clench a little bit. In their situation, they already had _way_ too much to worry about. He didn’t want Reiner to have to worry about this.

“Hey,” he said nudging Reiner slightly so that he turned back to him. “We’ll be home soon. And when we get there, you’re going to fall in love with a guy who loves you back, and you’re gonna get married and have lots of meaningful sex and be disgustingly happy. Okay?”

Reiner snorted, raising an eyebrow at him. “All that in six years?” he asked. Bertholdt nodded firmly.

“All that and more,” he assured. “So for now… don’t worry too much.”

Reiner sighed, laying his head against Bertholdt’s shoulder and closing his eyes. “Dunno what I would do without you,” he said. Bertholdt smiled and patted his shoulder.

Later that night, Bertholdt lay awake in bed, unable to fall asleep. He was about as pessimistic as a person could be, but even so, he couldn’t help but let himself get wrapped up in his own fantasy. Because who else could Reiner possibly end up with but him? They were going to be dead in six years, and with Bertholdt he wouldn’t have to leave anyone behind. And none of those years would have to be wasted on the falling in love part, because they’d already done that.

Reiner just didn’t realize it yet.

It was a long time before Bertholdt thought about things like that again though, because soon after, their lives became extremely hectic. Reiner came up with a plan to advance their search for the Coordinate, which involved destroying Wall Rose at Trost, and everything spiraled dramatically downward from there.

It wasn’t until a little over a month later when Bertholdt finally had a chance to catch his breath. They were in Shiganshina; Reiner had just come back from taking Ymir to Marley, and Zeke and Pieck were off patrolling the perimeter. There were no longer any titans or humans trying to kill them. Bertholdt exhaled deeply.

“Are you cold?” Reiner asked, coming out of their shared tent and draping a blanket over Bertholdt’s shoulders. Bertholdt wasn’t, but he smiled and thanked him anyway.

They sat together on the edge of the wall for a while, watching the sun set over the city they destroyed. Bertholdt laid his head on Reiner’s shoulder. “They’ll be here any day now,” he muttered. Reiner glanced down at him.

“It’s just this one last thing, Bertl. We’re so close,” he said reassuringly. “We’re almost home.”

Bertholdt sighed. “Just this one last battle to the death,” he muttered. He lifted his head and held Reiner’s gaze in his. “If I don’t make it, will you take care of my dad?”

Reiner frowned deeply. “Don’t say that,” he said seriously. “We’re not gonna talk like that.”

“Reiner,” Bertholdt said. “He’s sick. I need to know that he’ll be okay, please.”

Reiner swallowed thickly, but held Bertholdt’s determined gaze. “…Of course I will. You didn’t even have to ask,” he muttered. “Then, will you take care of Ga—”

“Take care of her yourself,” Bertholdt cut him off. “You’re not dying here.” Reiner gaped at him.

“Wh… How is that fair?” he protested. The corner of Bertholdt’s mouth twitched upward.

“Sorry,” he said. “I mean it. I’m not letting you die on this island.”

“Well, I’m not letting you die on this island either!” he said indignantly. Bertholdt smiled at him.

“Okay,” he said. “But if I do, you’ll take care of my dad.”

Reiner grimaced. “And if _I_ do, you’ll take care of Gabi,” he insisted.

“But you won’t,” Bertholdt replied.

Reiner shoved him, hard, and Bertholdt laughed loudly. Reiner rolled his eyes. “You’re impossible,” he said.

They paused like the for a moment, their faces inches apart, Bertholdt still smiling widely. Eventually, Reiner couldn’t help but return it. “You should smile more,” Reiner said. And then, unexpectedly, he leaned forward and pressed their lips together.

Bertholdt made a startled sound, too thrown off to respond. It was short and awkward, and Reiner pulled away only seconds later, his eyes wide like he was shocked by his own actions. “Um,” he said, facing forward stiffly, his face red to the tips of his ears. “Sorry.

Bertholdt brought his hand up to his lips. “No, don’t be,” he said, still a bit dazed. “I’ve just never kissed anyone before. You caught me off guard.”

Reiner slowly turned to face him. “You’re joking,” he deadpanned. “You’ve had sex. Multiple times.” Bertholdt shrugged.

“You can do that without kissing,” he pointed out. Reiner gaped at him.

“But _why_?”

Bertholdt paused. He’d never really thought about it, it was just kind of a personal rule he’d made for himself. It just felt so… intimate. Something he wasn’t willing to share with anyone from this island, that was for sure. “I guess,” he mused. “I wanted it to mean something.”

Reiner shook his head in disbelief. “Wow… okay,” he said. He cleared his throat. “Then I’m… um, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have—”

Bertholdt put his hands on either side of Reiner’s face and pulled him in for another kiss before he could continue. He actually put effort into it this time, closing his eyes and moving his lips against Reiner’s the way he’d been wanting to for a long, long time.

Reiner only hesitated for a moment before kissing him back fiercely, wrapping an arm around his shoulders and pulling him closer. When they finally came up for air, Bertholdt’s heart was pounding so hard he was surprised that Reiner couldn’t hear it. He swallowed. “Reiner…” he said, suddenly at a loss for words. Reiner brushed a thumb over his cheek, before his eyes hardened.

“Bertholdt,” he said seriously. “Let’s do it.”

Bertholdt spluttered, feeling his face heat up. “You… you mean…” he stammered. Reiner continued to stare at him pointedly, and Bertholdt looked away, flustered. “Are… are you sure? Are you sure you want it to be me?”

Reiner paused for a long time, as if he was gathering his thoughts. Then he turned back to Bertholdt with a fiercely determined expression. “We only have six years left to live,” he said. “I’m never gonna love anyone as much as I love you.”

Bertholdt stiffened, turning away and grabbing at his chest. That… he hadn’t expected that. _Years_ of waiting for Reiner to figure out his feelings, and there it was. He made an unintelligible mumbling sound, sure his face was on fire.

Reiner grinned, moving a lock of hair away from Bertholdt’s face and chuckling at his expression. “That a yes?” he asked. Bertholdt nodded swiftly.

“Go in the tent. I’ll meet you in there,” he managed to say. Reiner nodded and obeyed, giving Bertholdt a chance to breathe and calm his heart rate. 

He took several deep breaths, before standing up and rummaging through the pack of supplies they’d gotten from Pieck’s pack. He prayed to whatever higher power there was out there that he’d find _something_ he could use. Eventually, he came across some oil they’d used for cooking over the fire. It would have to do.

He knelt in front of the tent flap for several beats, his mind spinning with excitement and happiness and nerves, before taking a deep breath and entering the small space. Reiner looked a bit awkward sitting there and waiting for him, but he smiled as Bertholdt entered. “Hey,” he said.

Bertholdt swallowed. “Hey,” he replied. “Last chance. Are you sure?”

Reiner responded by pulling Bertholdt toward him and pressing their lips together again. Bertholdt was amazed by how natural it felt, like they were always meant to fit together that way.

He laid Reiner back against the sleeping bags, pulling his own shirt off by the back of the collar and encouraging Reiner to do the same. He felt his mouth go dry at the sight of Reiner’s bare torso. He’d grown into himself so well, his arms and shoulders defined in ways Bertholdt could only dream of. He leaned down to nip at his collarbone, sucking a mark there and licking over it to soothe the bruise. Reiner exhaled sharply.

“Bertl…” he said, the sound going straight to Bertholdt’s groin. He groaned into Reiner’s neck, moving up to plant one more kiss on his mouth before pulling back.

He made quick work of Reiner’s pants, and swallowed thickly, his throat clicking as he took in the sight before him. He’d seen Reiner naked before, obviously; there was no sense of modesty amongst the boys in the barracks, especially considering the fact that they shared communal showers. But in this context, it was… different. He let his eyes rake down from Reiner’s ridiculous pecs, to his sharply defined abs, and finally to… _that_ , framed by curly golden hairs and lying half-hard against his muscular thigh. The tent suddenly felt a hundred degrees warmer, even though it was late September and the wind whipping against the canvas was becoming fiercely chilly.

“Okay. Okay,” he said, trying to calm himself down as he reached for the oil. “I’m gonna have to get you ready, alright? Or else it’ll hurt.”

Reiner nodded. “Yeah, alright,” he said. Bertholdt adjusted Reiner’s legs, pushing them up toward his chest and encouraging him to hold onto them.

“Okay,” Bertholdt repeated, slicking up his fingers and placing one gently on Reiner’s entrance. “Tell me if you want me to stop.” Reiner nodded again, and Bertholdt pushed in to the first knuckle.

Reiner’s breath caught, and Bertholdt paused. “It’s fine, keep going,” Reiner said. “Just feels a little… weird.”

“I know,” Bertholdt said. “Sorry.” He continued, concentrating on making it as comfortable for Reiner as possible as he slowly opened him up. When he felt that he was completely relaxed, he added a second finger, curving upwards and searching for the spongy tissue.

“Ah!” Reiner suddenly exclaimed, his fists curling into the sleeping bag and his hips rising up off the ground. Bertholdt smirked.

“There?” he asked, stroking the same spot again. Reiner _moaned_ this time, loudly.

“ _Yes_ , that… it feels…” he said, beginning to pant heavily. “Don’t stop.”

Bertholdt didn’t. He continued to work his fingers in and out of Reiner until he was a complete, panting mess, the sounds of his labored breathing filling every inch of the tent. Bertholdt slowly removed his hand and crawled back up so that they were face-to-face.

His throat tightened at the sight. Reiner was flushed and dazed, his eyes half-lidded and his lips red and slightly parted to allow for his heavy breathing. His hair had grown out a bit, and the blonde locks were plastered against his forehead in sweaty strands. It was too much. He was too much.

“Reiner, I…” he said, but he stopped, overwhelmed, and pressed their foreheads together instead. Then he moved away and began to work on removing his own pants.

Reiner glanced up at him, his eyes shooting open wide at the sight. “Um,” he said, his gaze locked between Bertholdt’s legs. “Um, Bertholdt. I don’t think this is gonna work.”

Bertholdt snorted. “You’ve seen it before…” he pointed out. Reiner had paled slightly.

“Yeah, but not _hard_ ,” he said, his voice raising a few octaves. “That’s… a lot bigger than your fingers.”

Bertholdt moved to hover over him again, locking their gazes. “I would never hurt you,” he said seriously. “Do you trust me?”

Reiner swallowed, before nodding without hesitation. “I trust you,” he said softly. Bertholdt captured his lips in his as he applied more oil to his fingers and slicked himself up.

He got into position, and then promptly froze. All the times he’d done this, he’d never been nervous, not even the first time. But this… this was _Reiner_. It wasn’t just a hookup. And not only that, but this was his first time, something he’d been specifically saving because he wanted it to be special. Bertholdt found it hard to breathe, suddenly.

Reiner seemed to notice his distress. He reached up and ran a hand through Bertholdt’s sweaty hair, pushing it out of his eyes. “You okay?” he asked calmly, and Bertholdt laughed once. He should be the one doing the reassuring in this situation.

He grabbed Reiner’s other hand, lifting it up to his lips and kissing his knuckles one by one. Reiner tightened his grip in his, and Bertholdt sighed, holding their intertwined hands against his cheek. “I love you, Reiner,” he mumbled, his eyes fluttering shut. “So much.”

Reiner’s breath caught. “Yeah?” he said softly. Bertholdt smiled.

“Yeah,” he replied. He dropped Reiner’s hand and opened his eyes, moving into position over him again. “Are you ready?” Reiner nodded, and Bertholdt took a deep breath before pushing in.

He felt the tip break through the first tight ring of muscle, and Reiner let out a choked noise. Bertholdt kissed his brow, waiting to see if he’d protest, before continuing slowly. By the time he bottomed out, they were both panting.

He leaned back to check on Reiner, who was making little, distressed noises. “D-do you want me to pull out?” he asked, having trouble thinking through the lust suddenly clouding his mind. Reiner was so, so tight, and it was taking all of Bertholdt’s self control to stay still.

Reiner shook his head. “No… just… hang on,” he said, wincing and taking a deep breath. “I need a minute.”

It was a true test of Bertholdt’s inner strength to remain unmoving while Reiner adjusted. Reiner shifted slightly, and Bertholdt groaned. “G-good?” he asked, feeling sweat drip down his temple. Reiner nodded.

“Yeah, sorry,” he said. “Just… go slow.”

Bertholdt pulled out almost all the way, before slowly pushing his way back in. Reiner tried to hold back a pained groan. “I know, I know,” Bertholdt said apologetically, burying his face in Reiner’s neck and pressing his lips there. “I’m sorry. I promise it’ll get better.”

Reiner exhaled shakily. “Keep going,” he demanded, his eyes screwed shut. Bertholdt complied.

It went like that for a few moments, Bertholdt moving in and out as slowly as he could and Reiner whimpering with every thrust. Eventually, though, the pained sounds began to fade, and were replaced by soft little moans. Bertholdt continued to go slowly, though, not sure he would last very long if he picked up the pace.

After a few moments Bertholdt noticed that Reiner was shaking in his arms. He pulled back and looked at him in concern. “Are you alright? Am I hurting you?” he asked in alarm. Reiner shook his head, and when he opened his eyes Bertholdt noticed they were slightly damp.

“Don’t worry,” he said softly. Bertholdt placed a hand on his cheek. He’d seen Reiner react this way before, even when Bertholdt so much as leaned against him or brushed their hands together. He was probably as affection starved as a person could possibly be. Which made sense, really, considering his life up to that point.

Bertholdt kissed him again, fiercely, and lifted his legs around his waist to adjust his angle. Reiner let out a loud, unrestrained moan against his lips, and Bertholdt grinned, sure he’d managed to find that spot again. He continued to target it with slow, deep thrusts, until Reiner was practically thrashing beneath him.

“Bertholdt,” he moaned. Bertholdt nodded, his face screwed up with strain from his efforts.

“I know,” he said, even though Reiner hadn’t finished his thought. “Me too.” Bertholdt reached down to wrap a hand around his cock, but Reiner stopped him, lacing their fingers together instead. Bertholdt raised an eyebrow in confusion.

“I’m close,” Reiner explained, and Bertholdt exhaled sharply between his teeth. Reiner seemed to be drastically overestimating Bertholdt’s stamina, but damned if he was gonna finish first. If Reiner wanted to come untouched then that’s what he was gonna do.

He buried his face in Reiner’s neck and picked up the pace a bit, using every inch of self-restraint he had in his body to hold out. Reiner’s moans had transitioned into a mixture of choked noises and Bertholdt’s name, and the shaking had intensified tenfold. And then, just when Bertholdt thought he couldn’t take it anymore, Reiner’s nails raked into his shoulder blades and he let out a shout. Bertholdt felt warmth splatter against his chest and stomach.

Bertholdt pulled out quickly, barely getting in one stroke before he was coming too, harder than he ever had in his life, so hard he was sure he blacked out for a moment. When he became aware of himself again, he was lying on his back next to Reiner, feeling like he’d just run a marathon. He panted heavily and closed his eyes.

Reiner leaned over him, stroking his fingers through his hair gently. “You alright?” he asked, his voice slightly hoarse from all the yelling he’d just done. Bertholdt didn’t respond, so Reiner shook him slightly. “Bertl?”

“Shhh,” Bertholdt said, wrapping an arm around Reiner’s shoulders and pulling him against his chest. Reiner chuckled against his skin.

They lay like that in silence for a few moments, and Bertholdt was half asleep when Reiner spoke again. “Thank you,” he muttered. “For everything, Bertholdt, thank you. I don’t know what I would do without you.”

Bertholdt didn’t say anything, just pulled Reiner tighter against him. He hoped to god he’d never have to find out.

**Author's Note:**

> then they go home together and get married and no one dies


End file.
